Dark Places

I looked for you in dark places,
in shadowy rooms with neon lights obscuring faces

I looked for you,
Love

in rumpled sheets, in unmade twin beds
in unlikely fantasies I kept to myself

I searched in the eyes of fresh-faced boys,
in the words of leering men,

I caught a one-way glimpse of you when I was seventeen
and I never thought I’d see you again

I looked for a hand that someone else was always grasping
I searched in embraces that always left me
gasping

Imagining you,
Love,
is so hard for me to do

you’re a blazing sea of colours that blinds me
when I’m alone
and I hear you in every rogue’s enticing
baritone

in every careful touch
by a rough, haphazard hand

I find you
in every boy pretending he’s a man

believing in you,
Love,
is hard enough to do
and finding you,
Love,
is a talent for the few

I’ve watched you
on silver screens
and devoured you
in printed words

I’ve let you invade
my dreams
and caress
all my curves

I hoped that I would see you
even in the eyes
of a short-lived lover

I hoped that I would find you
in the doomed crush
of a scorching summer

I looked for signs of you everywhere
though it seems
I’ve been misled

I should have looked for you in the mirror
instead.